Recent text message conversation with my friend Isabel:
Me : Why do I get so physically sick with nerves the morning of a wedding?! The worse
Is : You should get nervous …. It keeps you on your toes
OMG I think I am going to be sick.
This is what runs through my mind before every wedding or large shoot. It starts the night before with the restless sleep and then that morning the stomach grumbles come, which culminates in me being locked in the bathroom all morning with a queasy feeling still lingering as I leave out the door. After waves of hot flashes it is not until 20 minutes into a wedding day that my body finally just relaxes and I get into the calm peaceful wedding day “zone”.
Some may think that this is telling too much. That “You should never let them see you sweat”. But I do sweat …. and get nausea …. and on rare occasions even have mini panic attacks.
What I do isn’t easy. It is probably one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. Harder than when I had to calculate missile trajectories as a defense contractor, or translate number theory papers from French as part of my PHD exams, or project out 5 year financials for portfolios as an analyst. And I get sick not because its hard but because I care. I care about my clients. I want to wow them. I want them to love their photos. I want them to have something they can cherish. I understand the enormous trust that has been placed me. I understand that these are their memories, their lives, and their loves that I have been asked to document. And I know that when that day come that I stop getting sick before a shoot is the day I need to put down my camera.
So like my friend Is says getting sick keeps me on my toes but it also lets me know that what I am doing is soooooo right and I wouldn’t want to do anything else.
And here is a peak of what had my stomach in knots yesterday